


Desperate Housewives of Dirtmouth Lane

by MilfShakes



Series: Bugburbia AU [1]
Category: Hollow Knight (Video Games)
Genre: Other, also the Grimmchild is a teenager and he's named Grimmothy, sorry if i forgot to tag some things there is so much going on i cannot tag it all lmao, the Hollow Lord AU, which was absolutely inspired by teen groot from gotg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2020-10-28 23:40:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20786966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MilfShakes/pseuds/MilfShakes
Summary: Because what exactly is the point of making an AU fanfiction if you can't just go feral??? There is also a drinking game to go with it if you're into that kind of thing.TLDR I wanted to mess around with a modern setting and make a lot of ridiculous things happen. I don't have a clear end in mind for this story i'm just writing for fun while i work on an original project.This was inspired by this other au i never finished where the Shade Lord came from the Hollow Knight instead of Ghost. So here Ghost is alive and well and besties with Quirrel and the Shade lord is off living their own life. Iselda is the main character for the most part and the main relationship here is her friendship with the Shade Lord. I dunno why i just liked the idea of them being friends/ drinking buddies.That about sums it up, come along for the ride if you want.





	1. Drinking game rules (you can skip this if you want)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> if you think of a good bug pun please share it with me i am always looking for more silly stuff to add to this story

***Don’t do this for more than 2 chapters***

Take ONE Drink:

  * Every time a character in the story takes a drink (alcohol or otherwise)
  * Every time you laugh, chuckle, or do that thing where you blow air through your nose because of something funny.
  * Every time you see a curse word

Take TWO Drinks:

  * When you see a Bug Pun
  * When a character or the narrator describes something as “ridiculous”
  * When a character in the story finishes their drink (alcoholic or otherwise) 
  * Every time a character is wearing an apron
  * Every time a character gets a smooch

Drain your glass:

  * At the end of the chapter


	2. The House at the End of the Cul-de-sac

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iselda makes a new friend

Iselda sits alone in the kitchen, sipping at a glass of cheap wine with the TV on in the background.

Just like always.

She checks her phone again to see if Cornifer answered her text from yesterday, still nothing. No surprise there.

The tall bug takes in a deep breath, she really didn’t want to go out tonight, but her weekly “Girls night out” with the other wives in the neighborhood was the only form of social interaction she got at this point. She drains her wine glass and gets up to put it in the sink, swaying a bit with each step.

_ Am I drunk already? _ _ Shit… _

Iselda grabs a half empty coffee out of the refrigerator and quickly finishes it in an attempt to sober up. She puts on a simple black shirt that was lying on the couch, grabs her purse, and heads out the door.

\------

The “Thirsty Mosquito” is tonight’s watering hole of choice. Iselda miraculously arrives on time, and spots her friend group at a corner table already looking at their menus.

“Hey everyone.” Iselda greets them, smiling nervously as she sits down.

“Glad to see you’re not late this time!” Chimes Millie, a short pill bug wearing a flowery summer dress.

“Haha, yeah-“ Stammers Iselda. “Sorry about that.”

The other women exchange greetings with her, then order their food. Normally there were six but Beatrice is out today because she couldn’t find anyone to watch her grubs. The five housewives exchange gossip from the week, mostly about their kids. The moms that had teenagers dominate the conversation with their loud complaining, they almost seem bitter that they chose to have children in the first place. 

Having kids sounds like a nightmare, and Iselda feels quite grateful that she had nothing to add to this conversation. She gladly turns her attention to the noodles she ordered when the waiter sets them down in front of her.

She had barely said a word by the time dessert came, and honestly she preferred it that way. Any conversation directed at her always ended up about-

“So how is Cornifer doing?” Asks Millie innocently, she swirls her wine before taking a long drink.

_ Pff, you’re only asking me because you want to feel better about the fact that your husband is cheating on you. _Iselda almost feels guilty about having such a nasty thought but, hey, she’s right.

“Oh, well-“ begins Iselda, trying to find the right way to word this. “He’s on such an important dig right now, you know he just got a huge promotion and he’s in charge of all these young archaeology students. So he hasn’t been back for a while.”

She forces her voice to sound cheery, and truthfully she _ is _ happy about the promotion, and about how happy Cornifer was after he discovered an ancient underground civilization. It was in the news and everything.

She imagines him gleefully running among the ruins and caverns with his map and pen to record all of his findings.

Cornifer sure does_ love _ his work.

Millie just giggles in response, her candy-sweet voice laced with pure evil.

“Maybe he thinks he’s married to the ruins now, hee hee!” The short pillbug smiles widely as the words leave her mouth.

The other housewives laugh along with her, making Iselda sink into her seat, cheeks burning hot in embarrassment.

“Oh Iselda relax, it’s just a joke! You know we’re here for you!” Anna-the weaver sitting next to her, gives Iselda a “comforting” pat on the shoulder.

“Yeah, right…” Iselda just lets her eyes fall to her wine glass as she takes another drink.

“Oh dear! Speaking of looking out for each other-“ Begins Pam, her face illuminated by the light of her phone. “I just got a text from Beatrice! She says someone finally moved into that creepy old house at the end of the cul-de-sac. She even sent a picture!”

“Oh dear, that family looks like trouble. Maybe I should get one of those home security systems…” Comments Millie.

“We’ve never had a _ gay _ couple before-“

“Are you sure the red one is a man?”

“Oh forget about that! Are they even bugs?? I’ve never seen anything like that!”

The other wives continue to chat judgmentally among themselves and Iselda just focuses on her dessert to drown them out. She didn’t even bother looking at the picture, there’s no way it could be _ that _ bad.

Before long they leave the restaurant and head to the nearest stag station, their chipper, tipsy voices breaking the silence of the calm night air.

Iselda returns to the same empty house, just a little more drunk this time, and immediately dumps herself on the couch, she didn’t even have the energy to drag herself upstairs to bed.

Her eyelids feel heavy but her thoughts go around in circles as she stares blankly at the ceiling of her modern, nicely furnished house.

_ I have a husband with a good job, and a nice place to live, and at least some semblance of a social life. Shouldn’t I be happy? _

Not to say she wasn’t grateful for those things, but the comforts of her relatively easy life still didn’t soothe the ache in her chest- an emptiness she’d been trying to ignore for the entirety of her married life.

She isn’t ready to unpack all of that, not now.

For now, she simply allows herself to drift off to sleep on the couch.

\--------

Wine hangovers are always the worst.

Iselda awakes with a pounding headache and nausea so vile she could barely make it to the bathroom to throw up. The cool bathroom floor is a welcome sensation to her aching body. 

In that moment, breathing hard with her head hanging over the toilet bowl, Iselda really takes a moment to think about her life.

The tall bug shakily stands to her feet and leans over the sink, coughing as she turns the water on. She allows the cool water to pool in her slender hands and takes a few careful sips, trying not to agitate her stomach.

Seeing her haggard reflection in the mirror is one hell of a wake-up call.

_ I need to make some changes in my life, this isn’t healthy. _

Iselda takes a deep breath and smooths back her antenna.

_ I gotta get myself cleaned up, then the rest of the house. _

To say Iselda liked to procrastinate on her housework would be an understatement, a bug can get away with a lot when she lives alone and never has friends over.

After a brief shower she’s feeling clean and re-energized, and for the first time she puts on the apron her mother-in-law gave her for her last birthday. After a quick ginger tea to soothe her stomach, the tall housewife rolls up her sleeves and springs to action.

In a flurry she plucks all the stray clothes lying around the house and tosses them into the washer along with the correct amount of detergent. Her cheeks start to flush red from the exercise of vacuuming the whole house, and in spite of her hungover state, it actually makes her feel a bit better.

It took about 2 hours, but when she finished everything she got to sit down on the couch and admire her work.

The house is spotless, the windows are open with fresh air wafting in, all in all, it isn’t a bad first step to improving her life.

_ You know what, I’m gonna bake a _ _ fucking _ _ cake. _Thinks the housewife to herself.

When was the last time she cooked something? Iselda had no idea, she all but forgot how good it felt to make something with her own hands, even if the cake mix just came from a box.

The smell of chocolate cake wafts through the air and Iselda really wishes she felt well enough to eat it. At the moment she just tries nibbling on a saltine cracker while flipping through a book in the living room.

Her eyes flick to the window; she realizes she still hasn’t taken a peek at the house down the street yet. Curiosity pulls her to her feet and she peeks outside at the black house, a large, equally black minivan is in the driveway.

She catches a glimpse of something in the yard, it’s dark and large and it seems to be moving towards the mailbug, who is currently getting out of her truck with a large package in her hands.

Then the shadow…waves at her?

Iselda narrows her eyes, asking herself if she saw that correctly.

And apparently she did, the little mailbug practically leaps out of her shell in response, dropping the package and her clipboard on the ground- then she immediately jumps back into the mail truck and recklessly speeds away, leaving skid marks on the asphalt.

_ Well that seems like a bit of an overreaction, they were just saying hi. _

_ Wait, I have an idea. _

The oven goes *ding* and she hurries over to the kitchen to take the cake out.

Why not bring something nice to the new neighbors right?

You can’t judge a bug by their looks, at least, that’s what Iselda’s mom always taught her. She felt bad for them too, her circle of friends was already talking behind their backs without even having met them first.

The tall bug puts all the effort and focus she can muster into frosting and decorating the cake. She was never very good with doing that piping thing to write words with frosting so she didn’t even bother, rather she just grabs some bright red cherries from the fridge and decorates with those instead.

Satisfied with her work, she carefully transfers the cake to a nice looking Tupperware container and heads out the door.

The bright sunlight stings her eyes and she feels grateful that the walk is short. The new owners clearly did some remodeling before getting here, they didn’t change the creepy gothic style of the building though. From afar it almost looks black but upon closer inspection the house itself is actually a very dark gray with a black roof. Really she thought it’s presence was kind of funny, it stood in stark contrast to the cute, cozy, cookie cutter homes of the rest of the neighborhood.

She reaches up to ring the doorbell, which surprisingly sounds normal. The doormat reads “Beware of Teenager”.

Iselda tries to perk up when she hears footsteps approaching the door, she hopes she doesn’t look as awful as she did this morning.

The door creaks open and Iselda nearly drops the cake.

The creature looks like a living shadow.

It looks like the type of thing you see on the poster for a horror movie.

It looks like it crawls out of the underworld to eat the souls of children and pick its teeth with their bones-

And it is currently wearing a frilly apron-much like Iselda’s- while holding a little baby grub in its lower pair of arms.

“Hello.”

Their voice is deep, unknowably deep, ringing low with the knowledge of an Old God. It feels like you hear their voice inside your head.

“Hi there!” Iselda practically shouts, her eyes are wide with fear and she’s shaking like a leaf. “Welcome to the neighborhood! I made this for you!”

Iselda practically shoves the cake into their upper set of arms, and she’s trying so hard not to be rude, but the cold air around the creature is making her shiver and question whether or not this was a good idea.

“Ah a cake! Thank you-“ Its eight, yes _ eight _, bright eyes light up even brighter when they take the container from her.

“Don’t mention it!”

The creature tries to smile at her, it’s a toothy grin, they have these long curved fangs and their mouth is unsettlingly bigger than one would expect it to be.

“Listen, I appreciate your efforts, I know that I look-well, like _ this. _ And you’re the first bug not to run away after seeing me so, thank you.”

Iselda relaxes a little, their presence is still unsettling but, she isn’t having heart palpitations anymore.

“This may be a bit bold of me but- would you like to stay for dinner? Believe it or not we’re both fantastic in the kitchen and we’d really like to get to know somebuggy here.”

“Sure, why not?” Iselda is still shaky but the creature seems nice enough, they at least deserve a chance right?

“Wonderful! Come in!” The creature lights up, gesturing for her to come inside.

The inside of the house is…not what Iselda expected.

It’s modern, but cozy, and impeccably clean save for a few boxes that still need to be unpacked. In contrast to the dark exterior there is a lot of light inside, large windows, a mostly open floor plan and the vaulted ceiling make everything feel very open and comfortable.

Iselda blinks, suddenly feeling quite stupid.

“Oh sorry, I forgot to tell you my name. I’m Iselda, I live two houses down from you.” She sticks out a hand in their direction.

“My name is Shade and, fair warning, I am _ very _ cold.” They grin at her again and extend a black, armored hand.

Fuck, they weren’t kidding, Iselda nearly jumps out of her shell when their enormous hand touches hers, it’s cold enough to be a shock to the senses but not enough to hurt her. Still she gives their hand a firm shake, she’s sure she can get used to it.

“Please, sit anywhere, I was just going to cut up some fruit for the kids if you’d like some.” Says Shade as they put Iselda’s cake on the kitchen table.

“Sure.” She still hasn’t eaten anything today, and fruit is probably a safe thing to start with.

Iselda inspects some of the photos hanging on the wall. It looks like Shade has a big family, the baby they are holding as well as two younger children appear in only a handful of the photos, there are a lot of other adult family members as well but she assumes the husband is the scarlet, bat-like bug because the kids look more like him.

Shade places a glass of ice water in front of her as she takes a seat at the kitchen table.

“Hey, how many kids do you have anyway?” Iselda inquires as she takes a sip of her water.

The shadowy creature throws their head back and laughs in response, she honestly feels excited to hear the answer.

“Well, we have _ three hundred and five _ kids but only three are living with us right now-“

“I’m sorry _ how many?????” _

“I-well, listen-“ They stammer, the baby in their arms whines as they grab some fresh peaches out of the fridge. “We’re both Gods so we’re not aging and well, having an empty nest is pretty depressing so when our kids grow up and move away we just…have more of them.”

They produce several long, slender tendrils of darkness from between the plates of their armor, Iselda nearly drops her cup at the sight. The tentacles seem to have eyes at the ends of them, but also possess impressive dexterity, they grab a knife and cutting board from the kitchen cabinets and start cutting the fruit while Shade uses their arms to comfort the baby.

“Do you guys ever have a hard time thinking of baby names?”

“Oh yeah, actually, this one doesn’t even have a real name yet, we’ve just been calling them ‘Eyes.’”

The Void Entity pauses, and flashes a mischievous grin at her.

“Would you like to see why?”

“I’m slightly afraid but also intrigued. Sure.” She can’t help but smile back and beckons for them to come closer.

The Shade Lord’s glowing eyes shine even brighter, they take a seat next to Iselda at the table- their tendrils still preparing the fruit behind them, and they gingerly place the grub into Iselda’s arms.

It mostly looks like a normal grub, it’s warm and dark gray and its eyes are squeezed shut. The grub fusses a little in her arms, it squirms in its little green onesie, as if saying “Put me down, I know you’re not one of my dads!”

“Hey there baby.” Says Shade in a tiny high pitched voice. “Say hello to our neighbor.”

They tickle the grub’s tummy with one of their large claws and it squirms in response.

Then, two of its red eyes pop open. Then two more.

Then two more.

Then _ three _more.

As each second passes more sets of eyes pop open, some bigger, some smaller. Iselda loses count but she thinks it has between twenty and thirty.

“Believe it or not, we’ve never had a kid with this many eyes.”

“I’m not gonna lie, I’m kinda scared right now.” She’s only half joking.

The instant the words leave her mouth the little grub looks up at her and smiles, all twenty something of its eyes turn into happy little slits.

“Aww. You’re kinda cute actually.”

She cradles the grub into her shoulder and it responds by spitting up all over her apron.

“Sorry-“ Says Shade as they take their child from her. “Babies do that sometimes.”

“It’s fine.” She laughs, honestly it doesn’t bother her, it’s been a while since she talked to someone she actually liked.

One of the Shade Lord’s tendrils is already handing her a moist towlette, while another tendril sets down a bowl of freshly cut peaches in front of her.

She skewers a peach with her fork, it’s sweet and crisp and she finally realizes how hungry she is.

“You know, back in the day when I made snacks I used to shout to call the kids down but now, I just send a message to the _ group chat.” _ They chuckle, whipping a large phone out of their apron pocket.

Shortly after they send the text, Iselda can hear rushed footsteps coming from the stairway, she’s a little scared to meet the older kids, she wonders if any of them are carnivorous..

“Who’s the old lady?” A high pitched nasal voice interrupts her thoughts.

“Iselda is a_ guest, _ we treat guests with respect.”

“ Yeah yeah.” The older kid rolls his eyes as he takes his bowl.

“Iselda this is Grimmothy, my oldest, and his younger sister, Hazel.”

Two kids stand in front of Shade in the kitchen, the little one is holding a headless doll, she rocks back and forth on her feet, shyly looking at Iselda. Like all the kids she mostly looks like the husband but she clearly got her horns and arms from Shade.

To put it plainly, the older kid looks like trouble.

He looks like a darker, goth version of his father, his eyes so dark with Void they’re practically sucking you in.

Iselda shakily waves at them, trying to act normal.

“Do you want whipped cream?” Asks Shade, as they grab a little red can out of the fridge.

“Duh.” Says Grimmothy in a snarky tone, and both kids hold up their bowls.

Shade gives them a generous helping and Grimmothy immediately starts to head back to the stairs.

“Ah no-“ Shade’s voice is firm and authoritative. “You can eat in your room when you learn to clean it regularly, until then eat at the table or in the living room.”

He groans in response and stomps off to the living area.

Hazel is already sitting at the table, she doesn’t touch her food, she just holds up her doll in Shade’s direction.

“Don’t worry, I didn’t forget about Mr. Gallows.” Shade coos and they place a tiny bowl with a single peach slice in front of her.

Hazel smiles up at her parent and starts to hum. She digs into her snack, happily kicking her chubby little legs back and forth.

Iselda is nearly finished with her fruit when she hears the sound of more footsteps, they’re coming from below this time, and are followed by the sound of a door opening.

“Sorry my phone was off and I didn’t see your text until now.” The voice is hoarse and ragged, like he’d been smoking a pack a day his entire life.

After seeing only one car in the driveway Iselda wasn’t expecting to meet the husband. He’s a tall bug but he still has to stand up on his tippy toes as he places a loving kiss to his spouse’s fanged mouth. He starts to get handsy, but Shade pushes him back a little and gestures to the kitchen. He practically freezes when he sees Iselda.

He’s wearing a baggy white shirt and gray sweatpants which are both stained with blotches of pastel colors. He looked so much more elegant in the photos on the wall, and he seemed to have gained some weight since they were taken, but he’s still obviously the same bug. Shade’s husband is an odd looking bug, far more normal looking than his spouse but- you look at him and you really aren’t sure what he’s supposed to be. His curved scarlet horns and bright red eyes would make one think he was a bat or a weaver but he had neither wings nor any extra limbs.

“ Oh my goodness we have company I _ cannot _be seen like this-“ He immediately scurries up the stairs, hiding his face in embarrassment.

“That’s my husband Grimm, he’ll be back in seven hours.” Teases his spouse.

A muffled “I heard that!!!” comes from upstairs.

It took him 30 minutes.

By the time Grimm sat down at the table, dinner was ready and all the silverware and place mats were set up. Shade even cut Iselda’s cake and placed it on a nice looking dish. 

Grimm apologizes profusely and shakes Iselda’s hand, he’s _ very _ warm, a stark contrast to his spouse.

On top of changing his outfit it looks like Grimm put a bit of makeup on, Iselda honestly feels guilty that he went through the trouble for her...

The food smells incredible and Iselda is relieved that she finally feels hungry. It’s a hearty stew, the reddish broth is thick and savory and she’s never had anything like it. 

She always wanted to learn to be a better cook and she’s kind of hoping Shade could teach her their secrets sometime. 

“This is delicious, thank you-” 

_ “The secret ingredient is people!” _ Chimes Grimmothy from across the table.

Iselda swallows and Shade just takes a deep breath.

“No Iselda, there are no _ people _ in my soup, I bought all the ingredients at the grocery store yesterday. Grimmothy, apologize for trying to scare our new friend.”

_ “Sorry.” _ Sneers the teen. He goes to take another bite of his food, but this time his mouth unzips all the way down to his neck, revealing rows and rows of deadly looking teeth.

Grimm clears his throat.

“So Iselda, have you lived here very long?” He’s sitting next to her and gives her an apologetic pat on the shoulder as he asks the question. 

“Oh I’ve lived here for five years, my husband and I bought the house shortly after we got married.” 

“Where is he now? At work?” Asks Shade from across the table.

“Ah yes, he’s an archaeologist but he works for the university in the city, they just discovered these huge underground ruins so he’ll be away for a while. I’ve mostly been using the spare time to work on my art stuff.” 

“Oh! Another artist!” Grimm claps his hands together and grins at her. “What kind of art do you do?”

“I make jewelry, I made the necklace I’m wearing now actually.” Mutters Iselda.

“Ah, It’s beautiful! You’re very talented! Have you thought of selling them?”

“Yeah, actually, I’m trying to start a little online store, just something to keep me occupied you know?”

Iselda flushes a little, she isn’t used to socializing like this, not while sober anyway. 

The rest of the dinner goes nicely, and sure the kids are creepy but they’re just _ kids _, what do you expect? Iselda exchanged numbers with Grimm and Shade before leaving, they tell her to text or call if she needs anything, and that they should hang out again sometime. Surprisingly she genuinely plans on taking them up on that offer.

As Iselda returns home, for the first time in a while she feels like things are looking up, and she can’t help but laugh to herself about the absurdity of the situation. She’d been wishing for a good friend for a long time now, and it seemed that some higher power was determined to fulfill her wish in the weirdest way possible.


	3. "Girls" Night Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iselda and the Shade Lord go to the mall.

Iselda grins down at her phone, Cornifer _ finally _ answered her text.

It’s a selfie of him and his graduate students, they’re in a dusty looking ruin standing over the fossil of some ancient long dead bug. 

“We’re having the time of our lives. See you saturday!” Reads Cornifer’s text.

The last three words make excitement bubble in Iselda’s chest, she could scarcely remember the last time she saw her husband. She thinks for a moment on how she can surprise him when he gets home...

_ I could get my antennae done, or my nails? Or get a new outfit? But those things are depressing to do by yourself… _

Normally for things like this Iselda would call one of the other housewives but, truthfully their company never made for a fun evening. After a moment of scrolling through her contacts her thumb lingers over Shade’s phone number. Would they even enjoy something like that?

Well, it couldn’t hurt to ask.

“Hey are you free Friday night?” Her little blue speech bubble pops onto the screen.

“Perhaps, why?” An immediate response. 

“Well I wanted to go out to a salon or maybe shopping, and it might be fun for us to go together?”

“Ha ha, I have not done anything like that in a long time, let me ask if Grimm can watch the kids.” 

Iselda sinks into the couch cushion, antenna twitching in anticipation- and after a few minutes her phone vibrates again.

“Grimm has agreed to watch the kids, where specifically did you want to go?”

Iselda grins widely, her fingers happily typing out the response.

“The mall! There’s a lot of stuff to do there.”

“Ah, I have been meaning to go there. I can drive us if you’d like. When did you want to leave?”

“Does around 5 work for you?”

“Yes, I will see you then.”

  


\--------

To Iselda’s surprise there’s a sharp knock at the door at exactly five o’ clock, she took Shade to be the “fashionably late” kind of bug.

She opens the door to find her shadowy neighbor, wearing a flowery summer dress and a plain black purse.

“I like your outfit-” Compliments Iselda. “It’s a really nice contrast to whole Eldritch Monstrosity vibe you’ve got going there.”

“Why thank you, my husband made it for me.” They strike a dramatic pose and wink at her. “Are you ready?”

“Yep.” Says Iselda as she hoists her purse over her shoulder.

Shade grins widely, twirling keys around a clawed finger. They gesture towards their car- a black minivan with these goofy ornamental horns attached to the sides of the front windows.

“Wow you really bought little horns for your car so it’d look like you huh?” Chuckles Iselda.

“If you like that just check out the back.”

“Oh I _ absolutely _ will.” 

The tall housewife peers around the rear end of the car to find an assortment of bumper stickers, most notably one that reads “MY KIDS COULD EAT YOUR HONORS STUDENT” and a cartoonish depiction of the family; one sticker of a mass of tentacles, one of an adult vampire, and three little vampires on the rear window. 

“I am so fucking excited to hang out with you.” 

“Likewise.”

For someone with three demonic children, the car is impeccably clean. It smells of pine and cinnamon and the seat practically hugs Iselda when she sits down. The Void Entity drives so smoothly Iselda can barely tell when they turn or accelerate, she almost nods of to sleep in her seat…

“Iselda, we are here.” 

A cold claw taps her shoulder and Iselda jerks awake, apparently she did take a short nap after all. 

Shade and Iselda join the stream of bugs filing into the Mall’s entrance. The Void entity looks around wide eyed as they enter the colossal building, and many bugs stop to gawk at them in a similar manner. 

“Wow, there is a department store and an erotic bakery in the same building? Fascinating.” 

“Yeah they just renovated and added new stores- oh hey, here’s the spa I was talking about.” Iselda points to the upper right corner of the map. “And this is the clothes store I wanted to go to. Were you looking to shop anywhere specific?”

“I need to go to Bed Bugs and Beyond, Grimm asked me to buy an immersion blender. And the toy store, Hazel likes it when I bring her dolls to decapitate.” 

“Doesn’t that concern you?”

“No, not in the slightest. Perhaps when she grows up she will move back home and be our executioner.” There's a concerning amount of pride in their voice.

“You’re joking right?” 

A pause.

“Why don’t we go look for your outfit first, it is closer than the rest.”

A wave of perfumed air greets Iselda and her friend as they enter through the boutique’s glass doors. Elegant pieces are neatly arranged on mannequins and shelves, sorted by style and size. 

“Um- can I, can I help you find anything?” Squeaks the ant employee, her forced smile unable to hide the terror in her glassy black eyes. 

Iselda blinks, she almost forgot the effect Shade has on people. 

“I’m looking for a dress, something black and flirty? I’m trying to surprise my husband.” Asks Iselda.

“I am just browsing.” The unsettling sound of Shade’s voice makes the little ant’s knees tremble. 

She manages a weak “okay.” and leads Iselda to the clothes for her thorax type. 

After selecting three dresses to try on Iselda heads to the changing rooms, only to find that Shade is already there, admiring themselves in the mirror.

“You gonna buy that?” Asks iselda, the red dress they picked out fits quite well.

“Yes, I just feel like it is so _ me. _ Classy but-” They turn around. “With just a touch of _ sluttiness.” _ The dress is simple, tight, and has no back.

“Are you gonna wear it out of the store?”

The void entity flashes a wide, toothy grin at her.

“I’ll wear _ mine, _ if you wear _ yours.” _

“Ha! Yeah, alright, that could be fun.” 

Iselda selected a simple, flowing black dress with a little bow on the back. She couldn’t remember the last time she did something nice like this for herself, or the last time she felt so good about how she looked. 

It shows in the way she walks, her chin up, shoulders back, sashaying among the shops with her purchases daintily hanging from the crook of her elbow. She ended up buying some jewelry and perfume that Shade insisted would be perfect for her (and they were right of course), and some fancy chocolates and wine for her and Cornifer to share when he got home.

They hit the food court before heading to the spa. Iselda eats her noodles slowly, watching Shade devour four large mall pretzels in a matter of seconds.

“So do Gods not gain weight or???” 

“Ah well, I am Void, Void is endless, eternal et cetera, so I can eat anything as much as I want but I am always hungry. It is never enough.” The Shade Lord raises their little cup of mustard and throws it back like a shot. 

“Shade, that’s not what you do with mustard.”

They look at her with mild frustration. “Why then, does it come in a cup?”

“It’s for dipping the pretzels in.”

“Hmph, you surface dwellers are something else.” Mutters Shade, licking the leftover condiment from its container. 

Iselda just laughs and slurps down the rest of her food. Not once during this outing did she feel judged or on edge, or like she needed to keep up appearances in Shade’s presence. It was nice to hang out with someone sober too, her other friends often joked about needing their “mommy juice” to get by. Now that she looks at Shade sitting across from her, she wonders if she ought to call the other housewives “friends” at all. 

\----

Iselda admires her glossy nails and curled antenna in the bathroom mirror. To say the Salon was an adventure would be an understatement. The staff trembling in fear as she and her Void Entity friend walked through the door, the pale horrified look of the nail technician who had to paint all twenty of Shade’s nails bright scarlet. Both of them looked fantastic afterwards, walking daintily in sync with each other back to the car. Both of them got quite a few impressed looks from other shoppers.

As Iselda sits down to catch up on her favorite shows before going to bed, her phone vibrates. She snatches it up, hoping for an update from Cornifer. But it’s her neighbor instead.

“Thanks for inviting me for an outing today. Had a lot of fun, and Grimm loved my new dress by the way ;;;;) “

“I had a lot of fun too, haha, we should hang out again.” Iselda smiles down at her phone, amused by her friends use of eight-eyed emojis.

Shade: “Yes I agree completely. Good night Iselda, have fun with Cornifer tomorrow.”

Iselda pauses for a moment before typing out an answer.

Iselda: “I will! Good night.”


End file.
